Words or Tone?

During conversation, someone's words are only a fraction of the bigger picture...

Their pitch, tone, speed & rhythm of conversation, and the pauses between, express infinitely more than what is being said by the words alone.

Also, your gestures, posture, pose & expressions convey an array of subtle signals.

These non-verbal clues present a listener with real insight into the speaker’s thoughts & feelings, that may often support or contradict their words.

Prof. Albert Mehrabian (UCLA) demonstrated that we derive our feelings, attitudes, and beliefs about what someone says, not by the actual words spoken, but by the speaker’s body language and tone of voice.

The non-verbal elements are particularly important for communicating feelings & attitude, especially when they are incongruent.

If words and body language disagree, you tend to believe the body language, even if not on a conscious level.

You know sometimes when you finish a conversation with someone and 'get the feeling' they weren't being honest or that something was off?

This is most likely the reason.

So if you want to be congruent in conversation...

Believe in what you say.

The body does not lie.